Effective Parenting for Teens

“Monitoring” sounds so complicated. It might even sound like spying. However, it’s actually very simple. Monitoring is about knowing where your child is, whom he or she is with, and when to expect him or her home. And it works! Solid research has shown parental monitoring helps teens make safer choices.

As a parent, you want your child to grow into an independent, happy adult. Throughout the years, you have learned to let go as your son or daughter developed new skills and became more confident. Your teen is pretty self-reliant. But this doesn’t mean you should stop paying careful attention to what’s going on in his or her life. What can be difficult is that at a time when your teen craves more independence, you must increase monitoring to help keep him or her safe on the road.

You don’t want your teen to feel you are suddenly changing your tune or losing trust now that he or she is driving. That’s why it’s easier if monitoring is an expected part of your relationship.

Start now

If you haven’t been monitoring recently, bring it up a notch as soon as possible. This will get your teen used to the idea, preferably several months before he or she receives a learner’s permit. If you have a younger child, set rules and be firm around safety now. It will give you several years to drive home the message that you care enough to watch closely before teaching him or her to drive. It’s never too soon to start. It’s also never too late to start. Teens may say they resent suddenly being watched more closely, but the truth is they appreciate knowing you care.

Monitoring is not just about driving

It is known that teens make safer choices about all sorts of behaviors when their parents pay close attention to them and communicate clear information.

Here's how:

• Be clear.
  Use direct, simple language, such as:
  “I set rules because I care.”
  “When you gain experience, which takes time, demonstrate responsibility, and have the skills, of course I will watch you less.” 
  “I need to know who you are with.” 
  “I need to know where you are.” 
  “I need to know when you will be home.” 
  “I need to know the conditions you will drive in.”
   
• Stress that you care.
  Your teen may view this extra attention as an unfair attempt to gain control over his or her life. Expect some back talk or eye rolling at first. Explain that monitoring shows your care and concern, not a desire to control or ruin your child’s life. Remember, your teen likes and needs boundaries. Resistance at first is normal. 

Monitoring may save your child’s life. It is a great way of demonstrating how deeply you care.

Remember though that asking questions and telling your child you will be watching is only part of monitoring. It’s just as important that your child tells you what is going on. See “Will your teen really tell you what is going on?” for review.