Adolescents need to answer the basic question, “Who am I?” Part of the answer has to be, “I am not my parents.” They also wonder whether they can handle life on their own, when not under your watchful eye and without your continual support. For these reasons, adolescents sometimes rebel to test their own limits. They sometimes need to pretend they are not listening to you, but they are.
Our challenge is to let teenagers understand that we want them to become independent thinkers and to be able to handle life on their own. Our goal is keep them safe while they learn how to make wise, responsible decisions and expand their limits. They have a very natural and healthy need to try out new limits. Don’t be surprised when they misinterpret your efforts at monitoring as control. Also, don’t be surprised when setting rules is particularly hard for 16-year-olds. You have grown accustomed to appropriately loosening them in other areas of their lives.
When you give rules, let them know some will never change – those about safety, pure and simple, or those about getting along with others. For example, teens will always be expected to wear a seat belt and will never be able to drive intoxicated. On the other hand, he gains experience and demonstrate skills and responsibility, he will earn new privileges. For example, after some time behind the wheel, he will be able to drive at night.
Driving is an important step on the road to independence. As a caring parent, you are committed to seeing that your teen does it right.