Effective Parenting for Teens

Teens’ biggest complaint about parents is that we don’t listen. Why? Because sometimes we don’t! We have a “Parent Alarm” that goes off as soon as we sense trouble. When we worry, we begin lecturing and setting restrictions or punishing, rather than listening. We do this with the best of intentions, but teens learn to stop talking. So first, turn off the Parent Alarm.

Often, when given the opportunity, teens can arrive at solutions themselves. You can do your best parenting when you act as a sounding board. When teens arrive at solutions themselves, the lessons feel earned and therefore are better learned. There simply is no reason to rebel against a lesson you’ve learned yourself.

One of the most important things that determine if you will be able to guide your children well is if they tell you what is really going on. If you want your teen to tell you what is really going on – start with listening:

Here are tips on productive listening (the kind that gets them talking):

• Remember that the same teen who hated you this morning needs you this evening. In other words, you have to be ready to be on their time clock. You never know when a listening ear will be needed.
• Be an active listener. Active listening ...
  • Means genuine silence
  • Means not trying to problem solve (problem solving can send the message “I don’t think you can do this on your own”)
  • Means not thinking about your next question or response
  • Means taking the time to let someone finish
• Reflective Listening allows people to hear their own thoughts and develop their own solutions.
  • Help me to understand
  • This is what I hear, am I right?
  • Based on what you are saying, what do you think may be the best way to handle this?